illuminate.

I am so blessed. Each and every day I feel the joy that God gives me bursting inside of me more and more. I feel like God is melting away the things of this world in my heart and sending his spirit to fill me with overflowing joy and peace and excitement. I am so blessed.

This morning Texanna (greatest best friend on the planet) sent me this prayer:

Grant, O Lord my God, that I may never fall away in success or in failure; that I may not be prideful in property nor dejected in adversity. Let me rejoice only in what unites us and sorrow only in what separates us. May I strive to please no one or fear to displease anyone except Yourself. May I seek always the things that are eternal and never those that are only temporal. May I shun any joy that is without You and never seek any that is beside You. O Lord, may I delight in any work I do for You and tire of any rest that is apart from You. My God, let me direct my heart towards You, and in my failings, always repent with a purpose of amendment.

-St. Thomas Aquinas

This is the prayer of my heart, this is what I want my life to look like. Expect some change.

Redeeming Love

I love that God can use somebody like Francine Rivers to change my whole world with her incredible talents to translate His love into a story with so much truth it's overwhelming and scary and relieving and beautiful.

I've officially grown to learn so much about the way God works and how I'm supposed to work with Him in a natural beautiful harmony in everyday life. I've learned so much about my self, about my past, about how to let go, how to forgive, the fact that I haven't forgiven with my whole heart, the fact that God still doesn't have all of me, and that He should own every inch of my thoughts, actions, soul, and body.

I relate to Angel in so many ways it's frightening. The numbness that comes with living a life of sin, the hate, the sorrow, the shame.

This book is like a recovery class for me!

I didn't realize I still had so much to recover from; that I still have so much healing to do, that the process has only begun and God still has so much for me it's unimaginable! He loves me and cares for me in the same ways he cares for Angel, except He has taken the role of Michael Hosea. God himself drug me out of the pits of hell with me kicking and screaming. I didn't want to leave either; I was afraid. I did not asked to be saved. I did not want to be saved. I wanted to rot where I was so I wouldn't have to feel anything, so I wouldn't have to redo the process of finding what I thought was love, because the process was long, scary, and twisted. I was numb and afraid and hiding, and God moved me from my hiding place set me on my feet again and brought warmth back into my life with me practically complaining about it.

Oh, how He loves us so.

spider house.

there is a very much beautiful almost irish man behind the bar at this very unique slash awesome coffee house were texanna and i had an incredibly awesome lunch and then proceeded to get coffees, tex got a cup of death titled the spider bite: which tastes and smells like burning wood, and i proceeded to get the cutesiest cup of vanilla cappuccino to ever exist.

i have just now proceeded to write the longest sentence ever.

i vote yes on almost irish beautifully bearded men.

First Day of New Thru 30

I haven't even been able to make it all the way to chapter 12 in Matthew before needing a break due to spiritual overload.

In order to unload, I've learned the following:

Jesus left us quite a few instructions.

Here are some:

1) Let your light shine before men.

2) Settle matters quickly with your adversary

3) Don't lust.

4) Let your "yes" be your "yes and your "no", "no". In other words, don't swear.

5) Love your enemies; pray for them.

6) Do acts of righteousness in private so that God gets the glory.

7) Pray in solitude, not boastfully.

8) Forgive.

9) Store your treasures in heaven, not earth.

10) Don't worry! God provides.

11) Don't judge others

12) "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

13) Do to others what you would have them do to you.

14) Watch out for false prophets.

15) "Follow me"

16) Don't take backup in case God fails. Have faith.

17) Be on your guard against all men.

18) Do not be afraid! be only afraid of God.

Um, why yes. I'm an idiot and I do none of these things. This is a good slap in the face.

I learned quite a few other important things too.

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

OUCH. Looks like I've got plenty to work on.

Words of Worship

Tonight I got home from being with my other half, Texanna Kay Dennie and Coltin Wester.
I'm waking up at 5:30 am to meet him at 6:35 to go to Plano and lead worship for a youth group. Tex and I got back around 11:30 when I realized I had to work tonight from 12am to 4am.
But, not to be discouraged
Listen to the words to our song.

God in my living, there in my breathing
God in my waking, God in my sleeping
God in my resting, there in my working
God in my thinking, God in my speaking

My immediate thoughts when going into work were "Dang, I'm only going to get an hour of sleep. I won't be awake for worship; It'll be awful, etc."
When in reality, my God is the God of my resting, sleeping, working, waking, healing, breathing, dreaming, laughing, waiting, hurting, living.
and He is a God who can give me the energy to last a lifetime without sleep, because nothing is impossible when you are in His will.
and honestly, I hadn't prepared my heart very well. God has blessed me with these four hours to get to know Him better before worship in the morning, to really look at the words to the songs and place them in my heart.
God sure does know what He's doing.

Creator God you gave me breath so I could praise

This is why I live. I live to praise my God. I live to love my King. I live to worship the Creator. How dumb am I to think otherwise?

Come ye, weary, heavy laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry til' you're better
You will never come at all

Coltin's favorite part of this song. Such truth in these words.

Overall, God never ceases to amaze me. When I think I've got it all figured out, He takes my whole world and shakes it upside down and reveals to me that I so do not have anything without Him. I praise God in moments like these, when I am humbled, when I can really see His face, feel His heart.

My God is the God of this city
He's the God of my energy
He's a God with no impossibilities