thoughts at the b.

sitting here in this chair.

this black cushy chair

i watch people play ping pong.

in tyler collins super soft, baby blue hoody.

i'm seeing new people in my life

that i love.

realizing my God has blessed me,

blessed me with people that love me.

love me, encourage me, watch over me, see me, speak truth to me, surprise me, and shower me with God's mercy.

moments like these are when i think,

my God loves me so much.

so much that he would place me exactly where i belong,

without my even asking Him.

without my even wanting Him.

i'm sitting here in his presence

surrounded by people that desire to know Him more,

to be head over heels in love with Him.

i am blessed.

i am loved.

i am a servant.

i am God's child.

i am beautiful.

i am saved.

She like the fragrant taste of rain...

I've decided that if you are a new reader to my blog that you should NOT read the previous updates before this one. because they are embarrassing.

Sometimes a person doesn't realize just how much they have grown until they look at the previous blogs that they have posted. and i see now that i really have changed dramatically, even in the last week!

anyways. God is so incredibly good to me.

I'm learning patience, how to pray, to ask for wisdom, how to interact with other people, how to dress, how to think, and how to dream.

God has changed ever fiber of my being in a few short months and i hope it never ends.

-------------------------------------------------------

She like the fragrant taste of rain

rests in my senses, relentless, restless

dripping and diving in taunting drops

through my blue sky barren being

and i am searching for a sign of the smallest cloud

split to disentigrate upon the ground and

gasping, cracking like the skin of my craving tounge

dry like the veins of a heart without love

and i can not turn the way she feels away from me

like a layer to be shed

it is carved in stunning shapes and patterns on my soul

carried like dreams to places my body could never go

carried like dreams to places my body cannot go

good God can you still get us home

there are so many things everyday that God does for me that i don't recognize.

He gave me my money back that i irresponsibly spent, none of that was of me.

He gave me the greatest friend in the world.

He took didn't provide a way into darkness.

He still loves me even though i realize most of these things later on.

Why is it that i'm so slow?

still growing that's why.

i'm now striving to see God daily in every situation.

and i think that He's just told me not to hang out with people that take that insight away from me. and He's so patient with me, and i'm trying to learn to be patient with myself because i'm imperfect. i'm not going to get it all right at first. growth is gradual.

i love 1 timothy 4:12

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, and in purity.

He's also just said that i should be memorizing these verses so that i can have them on hand at all times. and that's important. i need to think of Him always.

my King is taking me down his path, and it's so right my soul cries joy.

i am a baby.

i have come to understand and realize that i have been wasting time and it hurts my heart.

i am a baby christian right now, and now it's time to grow.

i'm so ready.

college is in 8 days.

that'r right, 8.

it's happening right now, and i don't even know where the time went.

i have so much life ahead of me and this is the first step in the right direction i've taken in a long time.

was i really lucky to be in love with my best friend?

i don't know.

but i do know that God is completely and totally awesome and in control.

and that he has blessed me with time with my best friend in the whole world,

and he gave me another $6,088 for college.

i am blessed and thankful.

my heart is a mix of happy and sad.

i'm full of heartache because i truely miss casey,

yet at the same time i'm full of rejoicing because God is so good to me.

therefore, i'm a weirdy i think.

oh no sweeter name.